Why Birth Parents Choose LGBT+ Adoption
So you’ve chosen to place your baby for adoption. Who are you going to place him or her with? It can be a difficult decision to make. There are so many different factors you can consider in an adoptive family. Do you want your child to grow up in a house with pets? A home with siblings or as an only child? Do you want them to grow up with or without religion?
And now with LGBT+ adoptions becoming more normalized, there are choices you can make about the adoptive parents themselves. Do you want your child to be raised by a single parent? By a mom and a dad? By two dads or two moms? By genderfluid or nonbinary parents?
Here are some reasons why birth parents choose LGBT+ adoption.
LGBT+ Parents Choose Love
While it’s gotten better over the last decade, it’s still not uncommon to hear about LGBT+ people being discriminated against or bullied. To be openly gay, lesbian or some other LGBT+ identifier, is to choose love, despite the obstacles. To marry in an LGBT+ relationship is to say, ‘I love you so much and I want everyone else to know I am not afraid of who I am, who you are, what others may think of it, or however difficult the paperwork is, I want to choose this love from now on.’ While this could be seen as similar to what any married couple says, there’s an additional weight to it when the very way that you love has been historically called into question by society.
Choosing love in this way — whether getting married or just being ‘out’ — is very similar to choosing adoption. It is making a choice to love, no matter what hardship they have faced before or may face in the future.
They Teach Acceptance
An LGBT+ couple looking to adopt is ready and willing to give a child a loving home where they will be accepted and cherished — no matter what that child’s race, sexuality gender or other circumstances may be. In most cases, they’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination and bullying throughout their life. They’ve had to fight to simply exist as they are. Through those difficulties, many have learned qualities like resilience, compassion and the importance of self-acceptance and self-care. These are excellent qualities to be able to teach a child, as well as qualities that will positively impact parenting in general.
Adoption can come with its own judgements from other people who just don’t understand or don’t know how to talk about adoption. LGBT+ parents will be well equipped to help their adoptees handle these moments as they grow up.
They Provide a Loving Home
This is the most important thing to consider in adoption: will they provide a loving, caring and supportive home. You want your baby to be placed in a home with adoptive parents who will love them for who they are. There are many couples who want to raise a child, but cannot go through pregnancy or are physically incapable of bearing a child for any number of reasons. Other couples may be capable of bearing children, yet see a need they wish to fill. So they come to adoption. In many cases, LGBT+ parents can’t have children with their partner biologically, and look to adoption as one of the only ways they can have a child together. Just like with a couple who is struggling with infertility, adoption gives these parents a way to have a child they otherwise wouldn’t be able to.
Any number of reasons could lead them to adoption, but no matter what the reason, those reasons come from a place of love and a desire to give a child a home with them. To grow their family and raise a child with support and love. That is ultimately the goal of adoption: to place a baby in a home with parents that can provide for and love the adoptee.
While some people have raised concerns that being raised in a household without traditional gender roles may cause the child stress or harm the child’s development, this is an unfounded concern. In fact, children who grow up with LGBT+ parents are more empathetic and open minded. Furthermore, this is not an argument used against single parents when they are looking to adopt, so why is it being used for LGBT+ parents?
The main thing that might discourage birth parents from choosing LGBT+ adoptive parents is that many adoptees can feel stigma from peers just from having LGBT+ parents. This is particularly prevalent with gay fathers. However, as it becomes more common and as conversations around LGBT+ issues continue to happen, this will become less prevalent. Adoptees will be able to find more support from their friends and others as the world continues to grow more accepting.
Why Birth Parents Choose LGBT+ Adoption
Ultimately, “Gay Adoption” or “LGBT+ Adoption” is no different than any other choice you’ll make when deciding on which family to place your baby with. You want to place your baby with a family that you feel comfortable with and believe will raise the child you place with them with compassion, acceptance, understanding, and love. A family that can take care of your child’s physical and emotional needs as they grow up. What better family than one who has already proven they choose love?
Meet the Author: Darby Summers is an avid fan of fantasy and sci-fi stories in all mediums, and aspires to share a story of her own to add to the genres she has adored her entire life. Raised in a house with the rule: “you can stay up as late as you want, as long as you’re reading,” Darby’s passion for reading, literature, and language was inspired at a young age, and continued through her achievement of a Bachelor’s in English from Allegheny College in 2017. Darby is currently writing blog posts for Adoption Choices of New York, and is enjoying the opportunity to be part of helping families find each other and a source of information and support throughout what can be a very difficult time in life.
When she isn’t absorbed in the latest series to capture her attention, Darby enjoys working on cosplays and going to cons with friends. Her perfect night consists of staying in playing games (of the video, board or card varieties), making some delicious homemade pizza, and settling in on the couch for a movie with her husband, Adam, and cat, Sylvie.