There are different holidays and shared moments where we gather together among the ones we love. It may consist of lighting candles and singing, exchanging gifts, or — most importantly — spending quality time together. As Mother’s Day approaches, this can be a positive or negative experience. The positive outlook is, of course, celebrating our mothers. Although, for some, their mothers either do not live nearby anymore or are no longer here. Still others, may not know who their mother is. This blog will discuss ideas on celebrating Mother’s Day as an adopted individual, and how adoptees cope with this day.
Adoptees and Their Moms
If you are an adoptive individual, you may or may not have met your birth mother. As someone who has never met their own birth mother, Mother’s Day can trigger different emotions and feelings for me. It makes for a challenging day to celebrate. I am lucky in other ways, though. I am very close to my adoptive mother, whom I just refer to as my mother. When I am out celebrating with my mother, I often observe others with similar resemblances to the moms who are with their family. As an adoptee, it can have a big effect on me throughout the day. It brings great sadness to my life, but something I have to accept as an adopted individual. That I have a connection with my adoptive mother, just not physically. There are different ways other adoptive individuals may celebrate their mothers on a holiday, such as Mother’s Day. Many may decide it’s too hard to go through, while others are happy to celebrate. All adopted persons are different, and any holiday or discussion on mothers should be handled differently.
Ideas Only a Mother Can Love
Celebrating a mother can mean acknowledging a woman who birthed you and gave you life who may not necessarily be in your life currently. A mother figure can come from the different women who may have influenced that individual and their lives. They don’t necessarily need to be blood-related; but, perhaps, they raised you and taught you things.
Those who decide to celebrate Mother’s Day may want to refer to this list as possible options or ideas to buy or make for their adoptive, birth, or mother figure. Being a mother takes a strong person; thus, it is important to celebrate the women in our lives. Depending on the adopted person, they may ultimately decide what gifts and/or ideas are perfect for their mother(s).
- Etsy: A website that many turn to for handmade crafts, unique gifts and personal engravings. Anything you wish to give that special someone can be found on Etsy. There are different shops within this website that can be tailored to those special Mother’s Day gift. There are adoption mom gifts that can be searched on the website, such as a nice mug for the adoptive mother in your life. Meaningful gifts such as this may be the perfect thing to give to an adoptive mother.
- Flowers and Cards: There are specialty websites that sell flowers, candy, cards and more that can be delivered in person to moms. Sometimes adopted individuals may live further away from their moms and a bouquet of flowers may be the perfect gift to give.
- Home Cooked Meal: If adoptees decide on making something for their birth mother and/or adoptive mom, a home cooked meal can be a wonderful gift to give. It allows the adopted individual to create something special for their mom and once completed, they can then enjoy the cooked meal, morning, day or night, together. The personal touch and time spent are often what makes the meal delightful for all involved.
- 1 on 1: Not all moms want their children to spend money. Sometimes spending quality time with mom is more than enough for them. Time spent together out and about or at home with your mother(s) can create last long memories. Being with your mother can be something important to do for not only the mother but for the adoptee.
Reflect and Accept
It takes a strong individual to search for their birth mothers. If you are lucky enough to find them, you may want to create a special bond once reunited. However, sometimes life may throw adopted individuals curveballs and dead ends where the birth mother may not want to be found or there is no additional information to be given. It is up to the adopted person(s) to know which way to go with their adoption search. They should never be made to feel embarrassed, criticized, and/or pressured by others when doing so.
Being a mother can be one of the hardest jobs one can be in life. Whether you are: a birth mother of an adopted child who made the hard decision to relinquish your child to another family, the new permanent caretaker, or the adoptive mother who has taken on the responsibility of caring and loving the child. There can be times during Mother’s Day, where adoptees, adopted parents and birth mothers may take time to reflect on their adopted child(ren) lives before them and after them. This is can be common with those affected by adoption. For some, reflection can be a rather healing experience. That is not to say adopted persons want to forget they were adopted, but rather allowing us to come to terms with certain chapters closing. We all take different paths in life where we continue to learn about who we are as human beings, and we must thank our mothers when we can.
Adoption Choices of New York
For more information on adoption or if you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of New York.
Make an Impact
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Rachel Strom graduated from Lehman College in the Bronx in May of 2018, where she received her bachelors in Professional Writing. After receiving her education at Lehman College, Rachel is currently interning at Adoption Choices Inc., where she is a weekly blogger.
Rachel was adopted from Asuncion, Paraguay in 1991. Her adoption experience has helped her write articles for Adoption Choices Inc., from the perspective of an adoptive individual. She hopes her articles will help someone looking into adoption or encourage those currently in the process.
When Rachel is not writing for Adoption Choices Inc. or her own novels she enjoys her other passion for baking, where she resides, in the New York City area. When she is baking, music is always playing throughout the kitchen while she is whipping up a delectable dessert for her friends and adoptive family.
“5 Fantastic Ways To Celebrate Mother’s Day.” Momtastic, 9 Sept. 2013, www.momtastic.com/parenting/172611-5-fantastic-ways-to-celebrate-mothers-day/.
“Celebrating Mother’s Day as an Adoptive Mom.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/celebrating-mothers-day-as-an-adoptive-mom
Cutebutrude, and Etsy. Adoptive Parent Mug. 2019.
“Ideas for Mother’s Day Adoption Gifts from Our Advertisers.” Adoptive Families, 23 Jan. 2018, www.adoptivefamilies.com/parenting/adoptive-family-holidays-celebrations/mothers-day-adoption-gifts-guide-2015/.
Maltsev, Artem, and Unsplash. Forehead Kiss. 2018.
Mouton, Xavier, and Unsplash. 2018.
Tohm, Brigitte, and Unsplash. Tulips. 2018.