Understanding the Pros and Cons of Private Adoption and Relative Adoption in New York as a Birth Mother 

When you are deciding to place your baby for adoption, there are a lot of choices that you need to make. It can feel overwhelming to be confronted with so many decisions, especially if you’re near the beginning of your adoption journey. For instance, choosing whether to place your child for adoption with a family member or to have a private adoption is one of these choices.

Like with any other decision, though, there are pros and cons for both options. The most important thing is that you make the decision that is most beneficial for you. You may have family or friends who are pushing you to choose one way or another, but, in the end, you need to make the choice that is best for you and your baby.

At Adoption Choices of New York, it is our goal to help support you throughout your adoption journey. So, we have created a list of the pros and cons of private adoption and relative adoption in New York.

Disclaimer: Please note that the following blog is for informational and educational purposes only. Adoption Choices of New York only offers domestic infant and newborn adoption, but we are committed to helping you understand other options within the adoption world as well.

The Pros and Cons of Private Adoption and Relative Adoption in New York

  • Relative Adoption

Relative adoption, sometimes called kinship adoption, is when you place your child for adoption with a family member. Creating healthy boundaries is crucial for this type of adoption to be successful.

Pros of Relative Adoption

  • You may feel more involved in your child’s life. If you know that you are unable to raise a child yourself, but still want to have an involved relationship with them, relative adoption might work for you. If one of your family members is excited to bring a new addition to their family and they would also love for you to be involved, this arrangement would work for everyone.
  • You will already know your adoptive family.

Choosing an adoptive family is an important decision, and you may feel nervous about placing your child with an adoptive family you don’t know very well. While adoption agencies are very open about waiting families, and you can easily build a communicative relationship with them, you may prefer to place your child with someone you already have a strong bond with.

  • Your adoptive family will easily understand your medical and family history. If you’re placing your child with a family you are related to, they’ll already understand your family history. Because they already have that background knowledge, it will be easy for them to understand your child’s biological history and possible needs.

Cons of Relative Adoption

  • Your child may experience role confusion. If firm boundaries are not created, and you don’t have a thorough discussion about familial roles, this can lead to confusion for your child. They may not know whether they are your child, or their adoptive parents’ child, which may cause them to question their identity. 
  • It could put a strain on your family relationships. If you have a close relationship with your adoptive family, there may be tension if things don’t go as planned. If you begin to feel resentment about your relative raising your child, or your adoptive family feels you are overstepping boundaries, it could harm a previously close relationship. 
  • It may feel uncomfortable to watch someone else raise your biological child in such close proximity. If you feel like you will have negative feelings about watching someone else raise your child, relative adoption might not be right for you. While closeness can be a good thing, it can also lead to negative feelings. In a private adoption, there will often be a clearer separation, which can be healthy. 
  • Private Adoption

Private adoption happens through an adoption agency and you will be able to choose from a list of waiting families. During this type of adoption, you will be able to work with Adoption Choices of New York to choose a great adoptive family, and we will help you decide what your relationship will look like with them after the adoption is finalized.

Pros of Private Adoption

  • You’ll have more closure. When you have a private adoption, you are able to choose how involved you want to be with your adoptive family by choosing an open, semi-open, or closed adoption. You will be able to negotiate with your adoptive family to decide on the level of communication you would both be comfortable with in the future. 

Because of this, this type of adoption may bring you more closure. There won’t be as many fuzzy lines, and you might be able to come to terms with your adoption more quickly.

  • Your child may have a better understanding of their role. Because you will not be related to your child’s adoptive family, it will likely be easier for them to separate their relationship with you and their adoptive parents. While there is a possibility for any adopted child to question their identity, it will be less likely to happen if there are clear boundaries.
  • You will be able to keep your family and adoptive family life separate. It may be healthier for you to have a clearer separation between your family and your adoptive family, especially if you have some negative emotions about your adoption. If you believe that placing your child for adoption with a relative would be harmful for your mental health, you should stick with a private adoption.

Cons of Private Adoption

  • You may not feel as involved with your adoptive family. While it’s definitely possible to create a great relationship with any adoptive family, you may already have close relatives that you are considering for adoption. If it is important for you to have an involved relationship with your adoptive family and you think the best way to personally achieve that is through relative adoption, then you should take that into consideration.
  • You won’t have a previous relationship with your adoptive family. If the only hurdle preventing you from choosing adoption is the fear of placing your child with a family you don’t know personally, relative adoption is a possible solution. If you have a relative that you trust who is looking for a new addition to their family, this could be a way to feel at ease about your adoption.

Should I Choose Relative Adoption or Private Adoption?

In the end, it is important to make the decision that is best for you. No matter what type of adoption you choose, we will support you. If you are still unsure about this decision or any others, feel free to reach out to us so we can create an appointment for you and a trained adoption specialist. 

Adoption Choices of New York is available to assist with your adoption plan. Call us, text us, email us; we are here for you!
Contact Us 24/7: 800-505-8592 (Phone) | 518-478-8420 | Click to Email

About the Author: Alexandra Georgiton is a fourth-year student at the University of Cincinnati studying Rhetoric and Professional Writing, and is receiving certification in Copyediting and Publishing. She has been passionate about the English language for her entire life, and reading and writing have always been her favorite hobbies. She enjoys professional writing and editing because she loves to use her talent and love of writing to make a difference in the world.


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