Top 5 Things People Get Wrong About Birth Fathers
By Kaitlyn Chrisemer
Often in adoption discussions, the birth father is left out of the conversation. Sometimes assumptions are made about the birth father, which is normally false. Some of these common misconceptions are born from stereotyping based on a small number of birth fathers. Others came from media, fears, and publicized stories.
At Adoption Choices of New York, we understand that many of these assumptions about birth fathers are wrong. We also understand that it may hurt the birth father’s feelings during adoption. Our adoption agencies want to ensure that if the birth father wants to be involved, he isn’t ignored. These are the top five misconceptions people have about birth fathers in adoption.
1. Birth Fathers Do Not Want to be Involved in Decisions
Many people assume that the father is not around if a woman is putting a baby up for adoption. Whether they think the father is unknown or doesn’t want to be involved, he may be overlooked at times. People often assume that the birth father doesn’t want anything to do with the child. They generally think that the father’s absence is the reason for the mother adopting the baby.
This perspective is flawed and likely based on media presentations and fears. Although some birth fathers don’t want to be involved, many are the opposite. Most fathers do want to have a say in what the fate of the child should be. For example, at our NYC adoption agencies, many birth fathers want to be involved in the adoption plan decision-making.
2. The Birth Father Has No Say in the Adoption Process
People generally think the birth father has no say in the New York adoption process, but this is not true. Often people think that the mother is in charge of all the decisions, but the father plays a role too. When making a New York adoption plan, the birth parents tend to work together to ensure everyone is comfortable. Sometimes, contributions and insight from the father are crucial to the adoption plan and process.
3. The Birth Father is Not Important Compared to the Mother
Although there is normally more attention given to the birth mother, the father is also important. The birth father can be equally as or even more important to the process than the birth mother. Especially in the behind-the-scenes work, birth fathers often don’t get enough credit. The emotional support they can provide to the birth mothers is incredibly important. Being a steady, rock-solid point of stability in the birth mother’s uncertain world can help immensely. Often birth fathers play that role, yet, they are generally forgotten and don’t get recognition for their part.
4. Birth Fathers Don’t Stay in Contact with their Child
There are many different types of adoption. In an open adoption, the birth parents can have contact with the child after the adoption is finalized. In this case, it’s often assumed that the birth father chooses not to stay in contact with the child. However, in reality, birth fathers involved in the open adoption process tend to maintain contact.
Again, decisions are often made collaboratively when the birth father wants to be involved. If a birth father doesn’t plan to stay in contact with their child, they likely won’t want an open adoption. Birth fathers who agree to and help organize an open adoption intend to participate after finalization.
5. Birth Fathers Don’t Need to be Supported in the Adoption Process
Adoption can take an emotional toll on anyone involved in the process. It’s generally assumed that birth fathers aren’t as close to the matter or are stronger than the mother. This leads people to believe that birth fathers don’t need support throughout the process. Although birth fathers are often the largest part of the birth mother’s support system, they also need support.
Birth fathers involved in the adoption process go through the same emotions as birth mothers. They can’t be expected to stay strong one-hundred percent of the time, just like birth mothers aren’t expected to. Birth fathers are just as much a parent as birth mothers, so the emotional process they go through is the same. Adoption can be a difficult decision and process for the father, especially if they feel taken for granted. If birth fathers feel unsupported, they won’t be able to support the birth mother. Both birth parents should support one another throughout this challenging time.
The Reality of Birth Fathers
It can be scary when a man is told he will be a father from an unplanned pregnancy. He may react instinctually based on that fear but come around later. He also may immediately be ready to step up and help you. We want you to know that when faced with an unexpected pregnancy, the support of the birth father can help. The role of the birth father should not be overlooked. He often offers support and insight that benefits the adoption journey. Our adoption agencies understand the difficulty of placing your baby for adoption, but you are not alone. We have Albany, Buffalo, NYC, and Rochester adoption agencies to help you on your journey.
If you are considering adoption and looking for adoption agencies in NYC to help, Adoption Choices of New York is available to assist with your adoption plan. Call us, text us, or email us; we are here for you!
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