As you begin your journey down the adoption path, your mind may be clogged with thoughts and wonders of your child’s future. Who will they become? Will he or she be happy? Most importantly, who will be his or her future parents?
When you decide to place your child for adoption, many responsibilities fall on your shoulders. One of these is deciding who will be raising your child in your stead. As an expectant mother, you have the right to set standards and criteria for the family who adopts your baby. It is important for you to share what you might want for your child’s future, such as: where he or she will grow up, family size, the adoptive parents’ financial stability, etc.
No matter the circumstance you are in, it is normal to want to know more about your child’s prospective adoptive parents and their lifestyle. This knowledge will help you to decide whether or not they will be a good fit for you and your child. The guide below serves as a conversation starter for what questions to ask prospective adoptive parents. Consult with your adoption experts at Adoption Choices of New York if you need help coming up with more questions.
How to Prepare for the First Meeting
The first thing you need to do before you get to ask your questions is prepare yourself for the first meeting. Don’t feel stressed! Your adoption experts at Adoption Choices of New York will be there to help you through the preparation. We will show you the prospective adoptive parents’ profiles after you have approved that they meet the standards you set for your baby. We will also be sure to answer any questions you have regarding the families we show you.
Despite having the prospective adoptive parents’ information prior to placement, you might still feel inclined to speak to them yourself. That is absolutely normal. Seeing them face-to-face can give you closure and help ease your stress about your baby’s future. This meeting can be in person or through a conference call — however you feel most comfortable.
Because the first meeting will undoubtedly be awkward, your adoption expert will also be present throughout the meeting. This is for your peace of mind and offers a way to provide additional guidance as needed. He or she can help you create additional questions to ask prospective adoptive parents. It’s natural to feel anxious during the first meeting. After all, this is an important step towards your baby’s future. Just remember that the adoptive parents will be just as nervous as you.
Questions to Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents
Before becoming a parent, every person has a story to tell that makes them unique individuals. Getting to know these traits can help you decide whether or not prospective adoptive parents will be the best fit for you and your baby. This can also give the couple or individual a chance to open up to you, leading to a deeper and more honest relationship.
Getting to Know the Couple/Individual
Here are some questions to ask prospective adoptive parents when inquiring about their personality.
- How did you two meet? (If speaking to a couple.)
- What is your favorite quality about yourself? What is your favorite quality about your partner?
- What is a quality you wish you could change about yourself?
- Are you religious? How political are you? Will you want your child to follow the same religious and political path as you?
- What is a quality you want your child to have? How will you foster this quality in your child?
- What was your childhood like? What is your favorite memory from your childhood?
- How many kids do you want?
Getting to Know Their Lifestyle
Along with their personality, knowing how the prospective adoptive parents live can offer insight into how your child will be raised in the future. You will learn basic information about the parents before meeting them, but it is still a good idea to ask more. Examples of good questions to ask include, but are not limited to:
- What is your work schedule, and do you bring your work home?
- How far away is your workplace?
- What are your hobbies?
- How big is your family, and are they supportive of adoption?
- What is your neighborhood like? Are there other kids in the area? What accommodations are close by?
- What are some of your family traditions? How will you incorporate mine?
- Do you have any pets, or are you planning on getting any?
Getting to Know Their Parenting Style
This last section is self-explanatory. When you learn about how the prospective adoptive parents plan to raise your child, you will most likely feel at ease, knowing you have made the right decision. In order to learn more about this, you need to ask the right questions:
- What made you want to be a parent?
- What made you choose adoption? Do you have any prior experience with adoption?
- What makes you a good parent?
- How will you explain adoption to your child?
- How will you talk about me to your child?
- Have you looked at daycare or schools in the area? Do you have a pediatrician already?
- How will you discipline your child?
Questions to Not Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents
Knowing what not to ask or say is just as important as knowing what to ask and say. Because of the delicate nature of adoption, there are certain topics that you will want to avoid doing during your meetings with prospective adoptive parents. The following suggestions are those you should steer clear of during your conversations with prospective adoptive parents:
- Don’t ask about issues of infertility because this can be a triggering subject for many families.
- Don’t ask about private facts unless they are open to talking about it. You’re eager to learn about them; however, asking for a lot of details in the beginning stage of getting to know one another might come off as intrusive.
- Don’t make promises. If they have a request for you, don’t agree on the spot without thinking it over or talking to your adoption experts.
Think about Yourself
Now that you have a good resource for questions to ask prospective adoptive parents, there’s one more person you should think about – yourself. Take some time to see what you need during this adoption journey. Whatever it is, we will be with you every step of the way.
Adoption Choices of New York
Over the past seventeen (17) years, Adoption Choices of New York has helped many individuals and couples make adoption plans and complete their families through the miracle of adoption. Our staff has well-established relationships with agencies and attorneys across the nation, as well as Adoption Choices agencies in many other states. As a leader in the adoption community, we have a genuine commitment to a sensitive, comprehensive and supportive experience for all involved in the adoption journey. We are dedicated to ensuring that your adoption is processed in a professional, competent and caring manner and would be delighted to answer your questions.
For more information on adoption or if you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Lisa Truong is an undergraduate journalism major at the University of Denver. She is minoring in writing and Chemistry. She has been commended by professors for her news stories as well as creative writing.
During her freshman year, her essay “See Ya on the Other Side” was displayed at a writing exhibition sponsored by the University of Denver. That essay later went on to be published in Many Voices One DU, a book also sponsored by the university.
Lisa frequently volunteers to be a leader at the Daniels School of Business for their quarterly Ethics Boot Camp where students learn about the importance of character in business. In her free time, Lisa enjoys watching animated movies with her mother, listening to music, going for bike rides, and eating breakfast food.
“Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents: Tips for Getting to Know Them.” James Fletcher Thompson. Accessed March 22, 2020. https://jftlegal.com/pregnant-and-considering-adoption/open-adoption/questions-to-ask-adoptive-parents/.
Robertson, Rachel. “Great Questions for Birth Parents to Ask Adoptive Parents.” Adoption Choices of New York, November 22, 2019. https://www.adoptionchoicesofnewyork.org/questions-birth-parents-ask-adoptive-parents/.
Truong, Lisa. “Placing Your Baby for Adoption: Q&A.” Adoption Choices of New York, November 22, 2019. https://www.adoptionchoicesofnewyork.org/placing-your-baby-for-adoption/.