The same way we respect the biological mothers and family, the same must be done for the adoptive moms and family. She too can be judged and asked questions along the lines of, “why did they adopt there?” and endure comments on the appearance of her child such as, “they look nothing like you.” But adoptive moms should never feel ashamed of their decision to adopt. She works hard to provide and put her child’s needs first. The following myths provide different statements that adoptive mothers and parents may endure.
Myth #1: “I can’t adopt because I am a single parent.”
There are different types of households in which an adoptive child can be placed. Families can consist of: opposite sex couples, same sex couples, divorced, widowed and single mothers — to name a few. The majority of those who were adopted in 2017 were adopted into married couples, although about 28% were adopted into single parent households. Single parent homes may differ in the sense that the parent will assume sole responsibility as head of household, rather than being able to split up the duties with a partner. However, the adoptive mother/parent will still be able to develop a special bond with the adopted child no matter how many people run the household and care for the child. Adoption Choices of New York offers that opportunity to individuals and couples wishing to start a family.
Myth #2: “Only rich people can adopt.”
Unfortunately, adoption has a reputation that it is not affordable. We at Adoption Choices of New York, offer suggestions on where to find financial resources for mothers and parents. That may include: adoption tax credit and benefits, grants and adoption loans. Potential families should not allow the cost of adoption to stop them from creating a family.
Myth #3: “Adoptive children cause more issues for the adoptive mother/parent(s) than their biological children.”
Adoptive children may, later in life, need extra support from counseling, due to their processing the loss and separation of their biological mother and/or family. However, all children need support, love, and to be cared for by their moms no matter where they come from. Adopting a child does not make the biological child of the adoptive mom less than. Children should never be compared to one another. Everyone is individually different, and their issues should always be handled separately.
Myth #4: “Mothers spoil their adoptive kids more.”
This myth can be targeted towards birth moms and adoptive moms/parents. To begin, though, spoiling isn’t the proper term to use when describing a mother who gives their adoptee the attention and care that is needed. It may seem to others as if a lot more time is dedicated to the adoptive child, but caring for any child is the utmost importance to an adoptive mother. Providing good health care and basic needs for the child is what makes a good parent and doing what’s she’s supposed to do. In doing so, she is assuring her child that they are in a loving and safe environment.
Myth #5: “Adoptive parents can only adopt infants.”
In the state of New York, the average age for a child waiting to be adopted and those adopted are at the age of 8. However, if a child is older than 9, the likelihood of adoption drops significantly. Those unfamiliar with adoption may believe adoption can only take place after the child is born. Sometimes the birth mother/parents will try to care for their child after the baby is born but struggle financially or emotionally and ultimately decide on the route of adoption. When and if birth mothers, and/or prospective adoptive mothers/parents are at that step of adopting, Adoption Choices of New York provides support and help needed to our clients. Those who have decided on adoption should never be pressured or made to feel guilty and/or ashamed by their decision, regardless of the age of the child they are placing for adoption.
- Part 1: Myths About Birth Moms/Parents
- Q&A: Celebrating Mother’s Day with My Adoptive Mom
- Things to Never Say to an Adoptive Parent
- 5 Awesome Things About Being an Adoptive Father
Adoption Choices of New York
For more information on adoption or if you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of New York.
Make an Impact
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Rachel Strom graduated from Lehman College in the Bronx in May of 2018, where she received her bachelors in Professional Writing. After receiving her education at Lehman College, Rachel is currently interning at Adoption Choices Inc., where she is a weekly blogger.
Rachel was adopted from Asuncion, Paraguay in 1991. Her adoption experience has helped her write articles for Adoption Choices Inc., from the perspective of an adoptive individual. She hopes her articles will help someone looking into adoption or encourage those currently in the process.
When Rachel is not writing for Adoption Choices Inc. or her own novels she enjoys her other passion for baking, where she resides, in the New York City area. When she is baking, music is always playing throughout the kitchen while she is whipping up a delectable dessert for her friends and adoptive family.
“Adopting as a Single Parent.” Child Welfare Information Gateway, Children’s Bureau, Oct. 2013, www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/single_parent.pdf.
“The AFCARS Report: Preliminary F Y¹ 2017 Estimates as of August 10, 2018 – No. 25.” Children’s Bureau, Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) FY 2017 data², Aug. 2018, www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport25.pdf.
Donvito, Tina. “16 Myths About Adoption You Need to Stop Believing.” Reader’s Digest, 17AD, www.rd.com/advice/parenting/myths-about-adoption/.
Motely, Isolde, and Susan Caughman. “Adoption Facts: Dispelling the Top 10 Myths.” Adoptive Families, 3 Nov. 2017, www.adoptivefamilies.com/how-to-adopt/myths-about-adoption/.
“New York Adoption Facts.” Children’s Bureau Child Welfare Outcomes Report, Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS), 2014, childwelfaresparc.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/New-York-ADOPTION-FACTS.pdf.
Sikkema, Kelly, and, Unsplash. February 2018.
“State Child Welfare Policy Database – Adoption Facts FFY 2014: New York.” NACAC, North American Council for Adoptable Children (NACAC), 2014, www.nacac.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/New-York_Adoption-Fact-Sheet-2014.pdf.
Tablas, Ana, and Unsplash. March 2019.