New York Adoption: FAQs Adoptees have about Birth Mothers
Children are born with a curious mind. They want to know things, be given answers to several wonders and questions they have. Adoption and its beginnings are no exception to this. Having a sense of heritage and knowing where one comes from often helps in knowing where you want to go. Be it family background, medical history, or even a simple inquiry about themselves, children will ask it. Adoption Choices of New York has put some common frequently asked questions birth mothers may encounter when it comes to adoptees and New York adoption.
Q: Who is my mother?
This one may seem like a simple or easy question to answer, but in some cases, it may not be.
Depending on what type of adoption you have, especially if it is closed, this can be extremely hard to give a satisfactory reply. When completing a closed adoption, little personal information is exchanged between the birth mother and the adoptive family. Because of this, a child’s curiosity on who exactly their birth mother is may not be so easy to respond to. Sometimes, for both the birth mother and the adoptee, that may be the best-case scenario. However, if the adoption has negative connotations to it, a birth mother may not want her child to know who she is. She will want to keep that anonymity and distance so the adoptee can grow up not knowing the pain involved or associated with it.
But if the adoptee is interested in contacting their birth mother someday, many families hope the circumstances will allow it. It is a possible thing to do, and many testimonies among the community have come out of it declaring how liberating it was. Reconnecting that communication between both the adoptee and birth mother strengthens the bond they establish with each other.
Q: Where do I come from?
Heritage can be a big part of social identity. Knowing one’s background and roots gives a level of security that can be hard to come by if not given or discovered. There’s strength in it, especially in transracial adoptions.
Culture can be a tool that teaches morals, passes down knowledge, and gives a sense of gravity for adoptees to hold on to. Knowing your story and what culture you come from can be exciting for your child. They will see it as something to venerate and practice for themselves.
Asking where one comes from can come with many different answers, some more complex than others. This can lead along the lines of them wanting to have their original birth certificate or wondering who their father is. But the one surefire thing about it is that it will definitely be a topic of discussion as the adoptee grows older and wiser.
Q: Why was I adopted?
This one, in particular, can quite possibly be the hardest one to talk about, or on the opposite side, the easiest. As we said, children and adoptees are naturally curious about origins, their own adoption included.
They will ask the story of how their adoption came to be, why it was something that needed to happen, and the circumstance surrounding it. Again, depending on the type of adoption that was made, this can also be a question that would be a struggle to answer.
If the situation surrounding the adoption process is a hard one or something that requires extreme discretion, it will probably remain unanswered until the adoptee grows older. Every adoption is beautiful within its own right because families are forged, lives are made whole, and connections are put together.
Even with that being said, it does not take away the reality of the hardships it can sometimes come with.
Don’t Be Afraid
All of these questions can come with a range of emotions for both the adoptee and the birth mothers. Life will throw many challenges and many obstacles your way, but perseverance and the will to continue despite the fact that those challenges are where strength comes from. Whatever you face is never faced alone or done without a shoulder to lean on.
It is important to remember that many members of our New York adoption community have gone through the same thing and came out of it with an inspiring story to tell. If you’d like to know more about our New York adoptions or want to hear more adoption stories feel free to visit our blog.
Meet the Author: My name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. My birthday is April 4th, 2000, which is where I draw my lucky number four being from. I share that birthday with Maya Angelou, which I take pride in, for she is a great poet and author herself, her passion for writing is something I share with her also.
Growing up, I had the privilege of having both of my parents in my life and a stable upbringing in which I was surrounded by family and friends constantly. Every need was provided and my parents worked to give me any want or desires that were within their means to gift and that I earned. Much of my family foundation is built on faith which has given me a discipline and practice that has allowed me to discover and build my spiritual self. My mother has been my biggest spiritual teacher and has taught me many things in regards to prayer and other lifelong wisdom that aides me every day. As I grew older and my understanding of the world expanded, I took an interest in politics and worldly news that allowed me to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning.
From that, my passion in writing bloomed and I found what my true calling was; I wished to create and write for a living and knew it was what made me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.