I’m an Birth Mother in New York, I Chose Adoption, How do I Cope with Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day. The words alone evoke many different images for different people. Some think of their mothers, their the-in laws, or even of children placed for adoption. As a birth mother, you may feel that Mother’s Day puts you in an uncomfortable place. No matter what, you are a mother. You created life and deserve a moment to celebrate yourself on Mother’s Day. You deserve to celebrate your journey as a birth mother when you put your child first by choosing adoption. Your selfless choice led you to where you are today, and we’re proud of you. But there’s no doubt being an adoption birth mother makes it difficult to cope with Mother’s Day as a birth mother. It’s easy to let negative thoughts creep in. Maybe even regrets as you daydream about spending Mother’s Day with your child. These are normal feelings. Part of being human is having doubts, regrets, and what-ifs. But there are ways to cope and feel good again.
At Adoption Choices of New York, we’ll provide you support so that you might return to a place where you celebrate yourself and those around you on Mother’s Day. Here are four of the best ways to cope with the adoption process during the month of May.
Tips for Coping with Adoption
- Counseling with Adoption Choices Specialists
It’s no secret that with adoption comes difficult thoughts and emotions. It’s okay to have these feelings. You should never shame yourself for missing your child and the feelings that come with that. Our adoption agency in New York offers to counsel birth mothers going through their adoption journey and can also connect to you post-adoption counseling and support groups. Our counselors will give you the tools that will help you cope with Mother’s Day as a birth mother.
In support groups, you can talk to other birth mothers in New York that are going through the same thing that you are. You’ll see that you were never really alone in your thoughts. People understand what you’re going through, and they’re there to help. You might even gain a different perspective that helps you get through this difficult time.
- Support From Family and Friends
Your family and friends are always here to support you when you need them most. They know the adoption journey you’ve been on and might even be able to guess your feelings about Mother’s Day before you share them. We all need a shoulder to lean on through difficult times, and your forever friends and family are there for you.
It doesn’t hurt to be there for them, too. Taking the time to celebrate the moms in your life, like your own mother, might bring some joy to you as well.
- Take Time For Yourself
Taking time for yourself is a game-changer. You might try to take a moment in your day to do a small thing for yourself. Maybe cook your favorite meal, pamper yourself, or indulge in one of your favorite hobbies. All of this can help shift your thinking towards the positive. You are a birth mother, and you deserve to be celebrated as well, even if it’s something small and private.
Celebrating yourself can make all the difference. What better way to show yourself that you deserve the best than by practicing self-care?
- Reach Out to Your Child’s Birth Family
If you are part of an open or semi-open adoption, you might take this time to reach out to the birth family. You might wish your child’s adoptive mother a happy mother’s day, showing her appreciation for raising your child as her own. You could pass along a message or speak to your child. Depending on the openness of your adoption, you might even make plans to see your child on or near Mother’s Day.
Some people take comfort in writing letters, even if they never send them. It might help you cope with Mother’s Day as a birth mother to write a letter to your child with everything you want to say. You might seal it and give it to him or her when they’re older. Letter-writing can help birth mothers in closed adoptions, too. You might write all of your emotions, good and bad. You could write everything you’ve imagined saying and then tear up the letter. It can be cathartic to let your negative emotions free, knowing they’re not permanent.
How Do You Cope With Mother’s Day As a Birth Mother in New York?
We know that Mother’s Day can be a tough time for you. You want to be able to celebrate like so many people do, but you’re dealing with difficult feelings that only a birth mother knows. Luckily, there are adoption resources out there to help you cope on this difficult day. We at Adoption Choices of New York hope you can take comfort in your friends, family, and support groups as you learn to celebrate yourself this Mother’s Day.
Meet the Author: Tara Giuffre has always loved reading and writing and grew up in the worlds of Narnia, Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Taking this passion for stories, she received a degree from Rutgers University in Journalism & Media. Besides writing, she likes long walks on the beach, spending time with her family (and her cat, Sansa), and baking the perfect loaf of bread.
She enjoys sharing vital information about adoption and birth mothers choosing adoption to families making important choices for their future family!