I Gave My Baby Up For Adoption, Now What?

By Eric Somarriba

For birth mothers, adoption is a long and in-depth process but with what seems like a definitive end. Once we finish the process, a new family adopts your baby, but what about you? It’s perfectly normal to think about this when your adoption finishes, or even long before. People unfamiliar with adoption may think a birth mother simply moves on and never looks back, but that’s not true. Even long after the adoption is said and done, it can continue to linger in a birth mother’s mind. Adopting out a baby is hardly something one can go through and simply forget about; it can be very painful. But Adoption Choices of New York is here to help you through every part of the adoption, including the aftermath. Our adoption agencies in NYC and beyond have helped guide women through their adoption for over 17 years. The effects of adoption can extend well beyond the process itself, and we hope to help you find your acceptance.

Adoption Choices of New York Counselors

If you are struggling with your decision after your adoption, we encourage you to seek counseling with us. Counseling is available through connecting with our adoption agencies in Albany or other locations and is always available. You can continue with us long after the adoption but also begin much earlier during your unplanned pregnancy. With your counselor, you can let out all the negative feelings you may be feeling and learn how to heal. Talking may not instantly solve all of your feelings, but it is an important step in soothing your guilt. Know that you’re not weak for getting help. Seeking out the help you need requires a lot of strength. Your feelings are valid, and we want to help, but there are outside means of getting help.

If you are wondering what exactly to ask, there’s no right or wrong answer or one set path to healing.

Online Adoption Support Groups

You can find groups online dedicated to topics like this through platforms like Facebook. Other birth mothers who had also put babies up for adoption are out there and grappling with their decisions. You can join them and talk with others who’ve gone through similar experiences to you. It’s common for birth mothers to feel guilty, so many also feel the same way you do. It can be tough to reach out to people you don’t know, but so many do want to help.

People you connect with may have unique perspectives that help you see the other angles of your struggles. Some people have made different decisions that you hadn’t even considered. Just talking and letting your feelings out goes a long way, and the support can go both ways. Whether you know it or not, you may even help other birth mothers move towards their peace.

Accepting Your Own Reasons to Choose Adoption

Adoption is a decision you shouldn’t take, and reaching that point is often difficult. From the day it crosses your mind to when you sign the dotted line, it’s understandable to have your doubts. But we know you have your reasons, and as an adoption agency dedicated to encouraging adoption, we know they’re valid. Every birth mother has their own different reasons, so try to accept yours and know it was for the best. A common reason is that you may not have the emotional or financial support to raise your child. In that case, you knew by giving up your child. You were giving them the future they deserved. However, even if you had the needed support, you might not have felt ready to be a parent yet.

Regardless, the reasons for adoption are rarely selfish, and we always see adoption as an act of love. Outside help, either from our counseling or online, can help greatly with your post-adoption recovery, but so is looking inward. You’ll have to work to recognize your reasons for pursuing your adoption and try to accept that they weren’t selfish. No, you are not a bad mother for giving your child up for a better life, no matter what anyone says. And if you still want to be a parent someday, adoption doesn’t prevent you from that either. Coming to terms with yourself is vital to finding your peace and moving on.

The Adoption Aftermath With Adoption Choices of New York

At our adoption agencies in NYC, we dedicate ourselves to helping you through the adoption and your struggles after. It’s okay to take time to grieve, but we want to help you find acceptance. Our counseling will be available for as long as you need, and help can be found online and within yourself. We hope you accept your adoption because adoption is love for everyone involved.

­To begin the adoption process, contact one of our adoption centers near you. Adoption Choices of New York is available to assist with your adoption plan. Call us, text us, email us; we are here for you!
Contact Us 24/7: 800-505-8592 (Phone) | 518-478-8420 | Click to Email

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