How to Find Closure with a Closed Adoption in New York

You have finally closed on your adoption. Everything is set up and you have received New York adoption services. A closed adoption, in particular, was the best choice for you, but something lingers in your head that tells you otherwise. You feel that creeping sense of regret. A feeling of guilt that seems to come over you the moment the preparations are finished and the decision is made. But then, you remember that you are doing what was necessary so you and your baby can have a better future. 

Even in that brief moment of sudden sadness, you remind yourself that this is the way and it is the only option that will allow you to move on and get back to a “normal life.” There is no need to feel selfish in wanting this. Your choices, desires, and wishes are valid ones and deserve to be realized.

Adoption Choices of New York knows that birth mothers may struggle in feeling closure with a closed adoption. It can seem harsh or unfulfilling. We want to share with you some insight or knowledge to help alleviate some of those negative feelings you may be having.

Why is There a Stigma around Closed Adoptions?

As with most things, there are certainly some notable advantages and disadvantages to closed adoption that take shape in many different forms. Although, some of these advantages and disadvantages are not concrete and can vary from birth mother to birth mother. Much of the stigma can be attributed to open adoption being the norm, and closed adoption being seen as potentially negative for the child. 

How can Closed Adoption Give Me Closure?

Even despite those perspectively stigmatized negative outcomes for the child, closed adoption gives so many benefits to the birth mother, who really just wants to put the whole situation behind her.

• You do not want any painful or potentially traumatic reminders of one of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make. Having that anonymity allows both you and the adoptive family to quickly and quietly move on.
• You want a precise and clean break from it all, closed adoption gives exactly that. Closure with a closed adoption is one of the biggest motivations in choosing this type of adoption as an adoption option choice.
• Birth mothers are given the chance to sever ties from the circumstances. You have the chance to disconnect physically, mentally and emotionally. That disconnection helps in the recovery and no longer weighs on you.

It is totally okay to want privacy or at the least, an ounce of discretion in a deeply personal situation, such as adoption. That goes for both adoptive parents and birth mothers alike. With little contact between the birth mother and the adoptive family, there is no room for miscommunication or argument in negotiation. Both families have their original freedoms intact and are able to keep them even after the adoption placement has been processed.

What if I want to Contact My Child in a Closed Adoption?

Now, even with cases like these, we know birth mothers experience a variety of emotions when they sign away their parental rights, and the adoption becomes finalized in court. Somewhere down the line, after everything is said and done, you may have strong feelings in wanting to see your baby again. But, unfortunately, Closed adoption is closed. All adoption records are sealed. 

However, when the adoptee turns 18 years old, the adoption records become unsealed. If your heart or mind has changed and you long to be in your baby’s life, that may become possible in their 18th year. It’s up to the adoptee whether or not they want to do this.

What Else Should I Know about Closed Adoption?

There are so many factors that weigh into your decision, and it will get challenging at times. But, that cannot and will not stop you in making the right choice. You know what is in your heart and the wishes you have for yourself and your baby. It can be done. Collaboration and communication with us, your adoption agency, is the key to getting the adoption plan that sits right with you. 

The most important thing when doing this is for both you and your child to be happy and put into a better situation than the one you started out in. With that goal in mind, the sky’s the limit and no amount of obstacles can stop you. 

How have You Found Closure with a Closed Adoption?

You are one of the many pillars that holds the adoption community up. Above that, you are a human being that deserves to have closure with a closed adoption and be able to live life to the fullest. There is no shame or guilt to be thrown in wanting better for yourself and your baby. 

Be encouraged and know you do not stand alone in whatever you are facing. For more information on what exactly entails in a closed adoption, feel free to navigate to our resources page for more insight. Adoption Choices of New York is available to assist with your adoption plan. Call us, text us, email us; we are here for you!
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Meet the Author: My name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. My birthday is April 4th, 2000, which is where I draw my lucky number four being from. I share that birthday with Maya Angelou, which I take pride in, for she is a great poet and author herself, her passion for writing is something I share with her also. 

Growing up, I had the privilege of having both of my parents in my life and a stable upbringing in which I was surrounded by family and friends constantly. Every need was provided and my parents worked to give me any want or desires that were within their means to gift and that I earned. Much of my family foundation is built on faith which has given me a discipline and practice that has allowed me to discover and build my spiritual self. My mother has been my biggest spiritual teacher and has taught me many things in regards to prayer and other lifelong wisdom that aides me every day. As I grew older and my understanding of the world expanded, I took an interest in politics and worldly news that allowed me to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, my passion in writing bloomed and I found what my true calling was; I wished to create and write for a living and knew it was what made me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.