How do I know adoption is the right choice for my baby?
When you became pregnant, you may have found it impossible to envision yourself as the caretaker of your child. You may have too many other responsibilities: other children, your education or finances. You may simply not be ready.
There is no shame in this decision: only courage and love. It’s perfectly normal to feel unsure about adoption as well. Will my baby be happy? Will I want to be a part of my child’s life? Can I raise my child? Is adoption the right choice for my baby? By asking yourself these questions, you are actively measuring your choices for the wellbeing of your child. Adoption can be a wonderful choice for you and your baby We at Adoption Choices of New York can help you decide.
Why do Birth Mothers Choose Adoption?
There’s never any one reason birth mothers choose adoption. In fact, there’s likely a combination of reasons for any birth mother who places their baby for adoption. These range from financial concerns to lifestyle concerns to a number of already important responsibilities to maintain. Often, it all boils down to readiness: the knowledge that your baby would thrive with an adoptive family that is ready to raise him or her.
Reasons birth mothers might choose adoption include, but are not limited to:
- Care for other kids
- Pursue your education
- You feel you are not ready
- You feel you are too young
- Not enough time to give to a child
- Lack of a support system
- You feel you are unfit to parent
- Substance use or addiction
- Sexual assault or rape
As you can see, there are many reasons a birth mother might choose adoption, and there’s no shame in any of them. It’s incredibly selfless and hopeful to choose adoption, for you are envisioning a better future for your child. It’s normal. You are never alone in the process, and a lot of people have gone through what you might be going through.
It’s important to ask yourself hard questions — can you give your baby the life he or she deserves? Is adoption the right choice for my baby? Adoption is a sacrifice but can be a gift for your child.
Can I Raise My Child?
If you fall under any of the above categories, ask yourself if you can care for your child. Do you have the enthusiasm to parent, to commit yourself to raising your child? Are you able to set aside the time, the money, to juggle education and parenthood? If the answer is no, adoption may work for you and your baby. There is no reason to doubt this decision if you’re sure you cannot, or do not want to, raise your child. Choosing a better life for your child is brave, selfless and loving. It is a valid choice to make.
However, if you believe you can rise to the challenges of parenthood and are ready to raise your baby, then you may want to do just that! Only you can assess this for yourself. If you believe you can and want to raise your child, you will know.
Common Misconceptions and Fears about Adoption
There are some common fears and misconceptions about adoption that may hold you back from feeling confident in your choice. Adoption is a process; there are steps that ensure everything works out and that your child is placed with the right adoptive family.
What if My Child Resents Me for Choosing Adoption?
We can’t guarantee what any specific child will go through or feel as they grow up, but resentment is pretty uncommon for adoptees. When adoptees understand adoption when they are young, they can understand the sacrifice their birth mother made for them to live a better life.
They will realize adoption is an act of love. If you could have cared for him or her, you would have. The adoptee will understand the bravery it took to place him or her for adoption.
Will the Adoptive Family Love My Baby?
Often, adoptive families have to wait a long time to adopt a child. It takes a lot of commitment, patience, money and love to go through the adoption process. These families are eager to bring in a new family member. So, when they finally meet the adoptee, most adoptive families immediately love him or her. The adoptive family has also asked the same question: is adoption the right choice for my baby? They’ve considered adoption heavily as well before making the decision, just like you are.
For some, it takes a little more time, but they will always love the adoptee as their own child. The connection adoptive families have with the adoptee is as natural and loving as the connection between birth parents and their children.
What if I Never See My Child Again?
While closed adoptions exist and are an option some birth mothers would prefer, other birth mothers want some sort of connection to their child. Through an open adoption, you can experience a range of contact with your child that you would decide with the adoptive family. In an open adoption, your choice of contact can change as time goes on to suit your and the adoptive family’s needs.
You can choose to receive photos, emails or phone calls with varying frequency. You may have the option to visit your child and the adoptive family. This practice is becoming more common as time goes on. It may be something that works for you if you’re the type of person who is comfortable with this kind of dynamic. In an open or semi-open adoption, you can decide how much and what kind of contact you would have with your child.
So, is Adoption the Right Choice for My Baby?
If it’s the right choice for you, it’s the right choice for your baby. There are so many reasons you might choose adoption for your child, each of them valid. What’s important is your belief that an adoptive family would best raise your child. You believe your child will have its brightest future through adoption. If you aren’t ready, that’s okay.
Adoption is a wonderful choice that can provide happiness to a lot of different people. Remember to ask yourself the hard questions and trust in your own choices. At the end of the day, Adoption Choices of New York is here to help you along the way.
Meet the Author: Tara Giuffre has always loved reading and writing and grew up in the worlds of Narnia, Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Taking this passion for stories, she received a degree from Rutgers University in Journalism & Media. Besides writing, she likes long walks on the beach, spending time with her family (and her cat, Sansa), and baking the perfect loaf of bread.
She enjoys sharing vital information about adoption and birth mothers choosing adoption to families making important choices for their future family!