How Birth Fathers can Show Support during the Adoption Process
An unplanned pregnancy can be scary. Your life gets flipped around, and you suddenly have all these decisions to make and emotions to process. Choosing to place your baby for adoption is a complex decision and takes a lot of courage. If your child’s birth father is present and agrees with your choice, he can be there to show support during the adoption process. He may be processing the mental and emotional impact of adoption right along with you.
If you aren’t sure how he can be beneficial in your adoption journey, we are here to help. Adoption Choices of New York has put together a resource with some of the best ways birth fathers can show support during the adoption process.
- He supports and advocates for your decision to place your baby for adoption
Especially if there are other members of the family who are not supportive, it’s important for your child’s birth father to speak in support and advocate for your decision. Or, if you don’t know how the rest of the family will react when you tell them, it’s helpful to have him there to be an example to everyone else. That he thinks this is the best choice for you, him and the baby.
- He shows up
Showing up to family gatherings, doctor’s appointments and meetings with the adoption agency and potential adoptive parents is another great way for him to give comfort and demonstrate support. Being ready to play a number of roles in any of those scenarios is huge. You may need someone to help communicate what you want for your child or someone to help make sure your voice is heard. You may just need a reassuring squeeze of the hand. You may need him to simply be there. Let him know what ‘showing up’ means for you and how much it means to you that he is there, in whatever capacity.
- He helps with the decision making
There will be a lot of decision making to do during the adoption process. It’s good for you to know that you don’t have to do this alone. Talking through decisions like: what kind of adoption you want (open, semi-open, or closed), what you want the adoptive family to be like and others that can help you both discern what will be best for everyone in the adoption triad. Furthermore, decision making like this will help you feel a sense of control over a situation that may feel otherwise out of control.
Being a part of the process in this way shows his care and interest in not only the baby’s future, but also in how this decision will affect you and him, whether you are staying in a relationship or not.
- He does his own research
Rather than asking questions and expecting you to know all the answers, your child’s birth father can be supportive through doing his own research. Reading books on what both of you can expect during and after the adoption process. Talking with the adoption agency or utilizing resources the agency provides. Sharing positive adoption stories he comes across during that research. All of these things are ways he can show support, take an active role and help work together with you to make the adoption process the miracle it can be.
- He gets help when he needs it
Taking on a role this active can be a lot to handle. But it’s okay to ask for help. In fact, it’s a really good thing to get help when he needs it. Just as you need support from others, it’s beneficial for him to be able to get support from some other source, so that, when it’s time for him to be supportive, he doesn’t burn himself out. There is plenty of support out there! Our agency offers free counseling services to both you and him, and he can also look for a support group via social media sites like Facebook groups and MeetUp.
How Birth Fathers can Show Support during the Adoption Process
Even if your child’s birth father doesn’t know how to show support yet, if he’s there it’s because he cares and that alone speaks volumes. No matter what your relationship with him is like right now or what it will be like after the adoption, this child is both of yours. You are making these decisions together out of love for your child. Supporting each other during this time is simply another outpouring of love.
You’ve got a lot to handle as a birth mother, and you shouldn’t have to spend additional energy having to come up with ways for other people to support you. Your child’s birth father may even have his own ideas for ways to help; encourage him to share these rather than ask ‘what can I do to help?’ which can be just another decision for you to make. If he does need a starting point, take the ideas from this list. Share them with the birth father, and then let him take it from there.
Adoption Choices of New York is available to assist with your adoption plan. Call us, text us, email us; we are here for you!
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Meet the Author: Darby Summers is an avid fan of fantasy and sci-fi stories in all mediums, and aspires to share a story of her own to add to the genres she has adored her entire life. Raised in a house with the rule: “You can stay up as late as you want, as long as you’re reading”, Darby’s passion for reading, literature, and language was inspired at a young age, and continued through her achievement of a Bachelor’s in English from Allegheny College in 2017.
When she isn’t absorbed in the latest series to capture her attention, Darby enjoys working on cosplays and going to cons with friends. Her perfect night consists of staying in playing games (of the video, board or card varieties), making some delicious homemade pizza, and settling in on the couch for a movie with her husband, Adam, and cat, Sylvie. (187)
