Choosing an Adoptive Family: Top Reasons Birth Mothers Decline an Adoptive Parent Match 

By Anna Keller

If you are placing your baby for adoption due to an unplanned pregnancy, you will naturally want to ensure that your child ends up with the best-fitting family possible. However, this is not an overnight process. Adoption Choices of New York, available throughout New York, will guide you through this process and any obstacles you may encounter. This NY adoption agency is a great place to start if you’re looking for pregnant adoption options. If you are considering adoption, you will ask yourself, how do I even go about adopting out my baby? How can such a choice be made if you are unsure whether your child will leave a successful life? 

While your input will determine which family your child ends up with, a large part of this decision is left to faith. You will need to have faith that your chosen family will provide your child with the life you feel they deserve. Adoption agencies in NYC like ours will do their best to transform your vision for your child into reality, but ultimately, it is up to the family. Additionally, no two children are exactly alike, so while certain elements of raising a child have similarities, each experience will ultimately be unique.

As a result, each woman’s New York adoption plan will look a little different. But adoption in New York does not have to be scary or daunting. Once in contact with the agency, you will be assigned a counselor to walk you through the New York adoption process. This includes the matchmaking process, where you will look at families trying to adopt. Consequently, you will also learn about different types of adoption and select which option suits you best. 

Adoptive Parents Matching Process

Once you have begun embarking upon the journey of putting your baby up for adoption, you will begin the matchmaking process. What does this look like? It begins with showing the birth mother family profile books, which allows them to familiarize themselves with their pool of applicants. While it is most common for a birth mother to choose which family she wants during her third trimester, it can happen at any time. But what happens when you reject an adoptive family match? It isn’t unheard of. Even if the family seems perfectly appealing, there might be one or two things they stand for that you do not. 

1. Racial/Cultural Preferences 

A significant one is a culture or race. In some regards, we still live in a largely racially divided society, including parental preferences. Some birth mothers will not want their child to be raised by a couple of a different race or culture. Another one is geography. Some birth mothers are picky about where they want their child to grow up. The caveat is that your adoptive parents pool becomes much smaller when you narrow your location down. But if you can afford to be flexible, then, by all means, do it. There is nothing wrong with having a certain geographical setting in mind for your child’s future home, as long as the environment is safe. 

2. Other Reasons for Rejection 

Another factor people take into consideration is religion or lack thereof. If a birth mother is religious, she will likely want to find a family that can cultivate that lifestyle with her child. If a birth mother is not religious, then she may have to be more flexible in choosing a family because many families are, in fact, religious.Perhaps she does not want the adoptive family to pass their religious beliefs onto her child, she will have a smaller pool of families to choose from.

One that may seem difficult to talk about but remains important is financial status. One of the primary reasons adoption exists is because the birth mother cannot financially afford a child. As a result, it is natural that she would want her adoptive family to be able to provide. A difficult question that many birth mothers have to ask themselves is whether they would rather have a family with less money and more love or more money and less love. That is not to say that the two are strictly related. However, in some cases, that is the problem you will run into, and that is when you must make a choice. 

Lastly, a factor that may seem less monumental but still significant for many birth mothers: is family dynamics. Does the adoptive family have more children? Sometimes this affects the birth mother’s answer. Some birth mothers want their children to have adoptive siblings, and others don’t care. It all boils down to personal preference, one of the things that makes this experience so unique. 

Why Matchmaking Works

Something important to note is that you will not see profile books that have nothing to do with your preferred environment for your child. The adoption agency is responsible for matching you with families whose interests align with your own to maximize the efficiency of this process. As a result, you will look at profile books that reflect your own preferences. Once you have selected a family, you will want to schedule a time to meet them to finalize your decision. This has the potential to be a wonderful experience if you go into it with a good attitude and an open mind. Adoption agencies in NYC, like Adoption Choices of New York, are ready to help you take that first step. Call or email an agency today to catalyze your own unique adoption process. 

Adoption Choices of New York is available to assist with your adoption plan. Call us, text us, email us; we are here for you!
Contact Us 24/7: 800-505-8592 (Phone) | 518-478-8420 | Click to Email

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