Choosing a NY Adoptive Family You Want for Your Child Adoption
When you envision your child’s adoptive family, it might be difficult to decide exactly what they look like. A perfect family doesn’t exist, but you likely have lots of preferences for your child: some major and some minor, but both valid. You might also have trouble organizing your preferences, and might wonder if there is something you haven’t considered.
At Adoption Choices of New York, we help a lot of birth mothers find amazing adoptive families for their children. Here are some things birth mothers consider before they decide on the right adoptive family for them.
- Religion and Culture of the Adoptive Family
When you were growing up, you may have experienced certain cultural or religious traditions passed down through generations. Or, perhaps, you’d like your child to grow up speaking your culture’s language, as well as English. Naturally, you want your child to be a part of your religious or cultural traditions too, even though you’re placing your child for adoption. Your child is a part of you, after all. If you want an adoptive family who shares your culture or religion, we can help you find that family.
- Type of Adoptive Family
The family as a whole can be important to you when choosing an adoptive family for your child. Do you want your child to grow up with older siblings? Does it matter to you if your child’s siblings are also adoptees? Would you like your child to grow up with a large extended family? Do you think your child would be happiest in a home with pets? You might look for a family who takes a lot of family vacations, or one who is always looking to spend their free time with one another. Adoptive families come in all shapes and sizes, so you might have a lot of preferences here!
- Personality Type of the Adoptive Family
In your potential adoptive families’ profiles, you’ll be able to get a feel for the type of people the adoptive families are. You might learn a bit about what they do in their free time, their interests, and so on. You’ll hear about their values, how they plan on parenting your child, and maybe a bit about their other children. All of these things might add or take away “points” for you when you think about your child’s future. Even if you’re unsure of your preferences, reading through the adoptive family profiles can get you thinking about what you want for your child.
If you get to meet a potential adoptive family, you can take this time to see how well you click with the family. If you’re lucky, it could be an instant connection, and you can see your child as part of their family right away. But, you might take this time to ask follow up questions. You could ask how they plan to raise your child, or simply about how they spend a weekend. Remember, your preferences are valid, and you’re allowed to ask questions.
- Type of Adoption Preferred by the Adoptive Family
What kind of adoption do you prefer — open, semi-open or closed? Whatever it is, you’re going to want to choose an adoptive family who prefers the same type of adoption you do. For instance, if you prefer your identity to be kept private, you’ll want a closed adoption.
If you want to send and receive updates about your child and have a relationship with the adoptive family, on the other hand, you’ll want to choose an open adoption. In an open adoption, you’ll communicate directly with the adoptive family, so you can decide just how “open” you want it to be. Some people choose for the adoptive family and the birth family to get to know each other openly, while others might keep it to emails and phone calls.
If neither of these sounds like you, you may prefer a semi-open adoption, wherein communication is facilitated through ChildConnect and the adoption agency. You can receive updates on your child in increments of time (once a month, for example) that you and the adoptive family agree to.
- Location of the Adoptive Family
If you choose an open adoption, location could be a big factor for you, especially if you are planning on visits with the adoptive family. When you do visit your child, you want to make the trip reasonable. You want to be as involved in your child’s life as possible as a birth mother. So when you’re choosing an adoptive family for your child, it makes sense to take location into account, even if location can be unpredictable.
Finding the Right Adoptive Family for Your Child
When you meet the right adoptive family for your child, you’ll know. They’ll meet most of your preferences, and you’ll be able to envision your child, happy and healthy, in their future home. At Adoption Choices of New York, we promise to provide you with amazing adoptive families to choose from.
Meet the Author: Tara Giuffre has always loved reading and writing and grew up in the worlds of Narnia, Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Taking this passion for stories, she received a degree from Rutgers University in Journalism & Media. Besides writing, she likes long walks on the beach, spending time with her family (and her cat, Sansa), and baking the perfect loaf of bread.
She enjoys sharing vital information about adoption and birth mothers choosing adoption to families making important choices for their future family!