Celebrating Father’s Day and Birth Father’s Day In Adoption in New York
Father’s Day can be a day of celebration and joy, but for a lot of families, this day causes stress as life grows complicated. For some families, Father’s Day isn’t as simple as it should be. It can be a wonderful holiday for many, a day when we thank our fathers for their place in our lives. Through adoption, parenthood takes a deeper meaning. You may be a birth father who cannot be with his child on father’s day, and you struggle to celebrate father’s day in any meaningful way, though you’d like to. You may be a birth mother who wishes the birth father showed up for his child. You may be adoptive parents who want your child to understand that he or she is still loved even though the birth father is not present.
At Adoption Choices of New York, we know how hard days like Father’s Day can be. Our specialists and support groups are here if you need them. We can help you navigate talking to the adoptee about adoption in New York and even offer you support if you’re struggling to cope. But there are ways to celebrate Father’s Day and Birth Father’s Day in Adoption. You can enjoy the day just like anyone else.
When the Birth Father is Absent During the Adoption Process
When the birth father is absent, celebrate the birth mother instead. Why not? She went through her adoption journey all by herself, making all the choices in the adoptive process that led to this point. It’s her decisions that brought the adoptee to their adoptive family, one that supports and loves them. It’s her decisions that brought the adoptee to his or her amazing adoptive father, who should also be celebrated.
As a birth mother in New York, you might celebrate father’s day by feeling grateful for the adoptive father or father figures in life. When the birth father is absent, it doesn’t take away the fact that through the adoption process, you gave your child an amazing adoptive father. The adoptee might even have father figures he looks up to through the adoptive family’s extended family.
Birth mothers and adoptive families can remind the adoptee that even if his birth father isn’t present, he has an amazing adoptive dad. If the adoptee is too young to verbally understand this, the best way to represent those feelings is for an adoptive father to be a present, active dad in the adoptee’s life. As a birth mother, it’s nice to remind yourself of these things too. Just because the birth father isn’t present in your child’s life doesn’t mean he or she is without love or care. It takes more than a father to make a family. Your child can and will feel loved without him. And it’s your choice in adoption that gave your child a father.
When the Birth Father is Present During the Adoption Process
Birth fathers in New York have their very own day to celebrate! Birth Father’s Day takes place the day before Father’s Day. This day gives birth fathers the recognition they deserve for their role in the adoptee’s life.
Not many birth fathers are present in the birth mother or adoptee’s life. Many don’t support the birth mother in any way, regardless of whether they support your adoption plan. Birth fathers who remain present and support the birth mother and child should remind themselves that they did right by the adoptee and the birth mother. In an open adoption, the adoptive parents will be especially grateful for all the love the adoptee will have in his or her life. Depending on the openness of your adoption, you and the birth father might be able to plan your own celebration with your child and the adoptive family.
But being together isn’t always possible. Adoption is a life-changing choice for a child, and it’s not easy to make. It’s a brave decision that can start your child off on the right path. Knowing you aren’t ready to parent takes wisdom and courage, even if it’s painful. Birth fathers still deserve to celebrate. On this day, adoptive birth fathers might celebrate Father’s Day by reaching out to the adoptee and the adoptive family. He might thank the adoptive father for his presence in the adoptee’s life. If he can’t be with his child for father’s day, that’s okay. Letters, phone calls, and texts go a long way.
And if the birth father can’t reach out, there are plenty of ways to celebrate. He can take time for himself to reflect on fatherhood, giving himself joy for what he has done as a father. It can be helpful to go for a run, walk, or drive, a focused activity that lets your mind wander. Some people like to have a ritual. For example, every Father’s Day, write a letter to the adoptee, even though he or she might never read it. It can be a cathartic way to get every thought and feeling down on the page without worrying about the impact of those thoughts.
How Will You Celebrate Birth Father’s Day in New York?
We know how difficult it can feel to navigate Father’s Day after your adoption journey. But for birth mothers, birth fathers, and adoptive fathers, there’s always a way to celebrate. The people who have a role in your child’s story deserve to be celebrated. And At Adoption Choices of New York, we’re always here to celebrate you and support your adoption journey. We wish a very happy Father’s Day and Adoption Birth Father’s Day to all the dads out there! Thank you for the difference you make every day in the adoptee’s life.
Meet the Author: Tara Giuffre has always loved reading and writing and grew up in the worlds of Narnia, Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Taking this passion for stories, she received a degree from Rutgers University in Journalism & Media. Besides writing, she likes long walks on the beach, spending time with her family (and her cat, Sansa), and baking the perfect loaf of bread.
She enjoys sharing vital information about adoption and birth mothers choosing adoption to families making important choices for their future family!