5 Important Questions to Ask Yourself before Placing Your Baby for Adoption
So you’ve done your pregnancy test. It’s positive. You weren’t planning for a pregnancy, and now you’re shocked, stressed, and most of all, unprepared. An unplanned pregnancy can shake up your life in ways you’ve never imagined. When you’re thinking about all your options, you may come to a point where you’re strongly considering adoption. However, there are some important questions to ask yourself before placing your baby for adoption.
At Adoption Choices of New York, we are strong proponents of adoption, but we want to make sure everyone who chooses adoption is prepared for their journey. We understand it might not be for everyone, so we have adoption specialists and resources to help you make your decision. Before you decide on adoption, you should ask yourself a few defining questions.
- Do I have the resources to raise my baby?
One big reason that a birth mother might place her baby for adoption is because she does not have the resources to raise her child. This includes steady income, enough to support herself and any dependents, including her baby, as well as a home to raise her child in. Not everyone has these things, or they only have enough for the people already within their family. If you don’t have the resources to raise your child safely, adoption may be the best choice for you, your child, and anyone who is already a part of your family.
Do you have a support system that will help you out? Close friends and family can make a huge difference in raising a child, and they often provide just enough time and support to alleviate some stress for new parents. However, not everybody has this, and it could leave you without the time or resources to give your child everything he or she needs.
- Am I emotionally ready to raise my baby
One of the most important questions to ask yourself before placing your baby for adoption in New York is whether you are emotionally ready or not.You may not be in a position mentally and emotionally to raise your child. Not everyone is ready to be a mom. The job can take a huge toll on you, especially if you are not emotionally ready. You may still be young or are facing teenage pregnancy. You have your own life to manage and cope with, and cannot possibly prepare yourself to raise a child. It’s okay to recognize this within yourself. Some women are victims of rape or abuse and know that this is the last way they wanted to raise a child. They know that they cannot raise the child of their abuser and still cope with their trauma.
By recognizing that you are not emotionally ready to raise your child, you save yourself a lot of grief later on. If you force yourself into doing something you are not equipped for, it could cause problems down the line. There’s no shame in knowing you’re not ready.
- Can I keep my baby safe?
Some birth mothers who place their children for adoption do so because they know they cannot keep their baby safe. Out of all the questions to ask yourself before placing your baby for adoption, safety is one of the most important things to consider.
For example, If you struggle with an addiction, you may love your baby with all your heart. But you also know that your addiction is not only unhealthy for you, but may harm your baby, especially if you continue abusing drugs or alcohol. You may not be in a position to provide your child with all the attention he or she needs, and it’s okay to recognize this.
Some women are victims of abuse by their partners or family members, and cannot raise a child within that environment. As a birth mother in this situation, you may be able to give your child the love and care he or she needs, but would put your child in a dangerous position by exposing him or her to an abusive household. Your child deserves a safe place to live and grow. It can be incredibly difficult to place one’s child for adoption under these circumstances, but many birth mothers see adoption as their chid’s best chance at safety and happiness.
- Do I want to be a mother for the rest of my life?
Any woman can experience an unplanned pregnancy, whether she wanted to be a mother or not. Not all women see themselves as mothers. Many women have the foresight to see that if they do have a child, they will be unhappy. Motherhood isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. Once you are a mom, you’re a mom for life. Some pregnant women just don’t want that. If you’re one of these women, and you know that by raising your child you may become resentful, it’s completely valid for you to choose adoption.
- Can I bring my baby to term?
Many women struggle silently with mental and physical pain. As much as women have the ability to grow a child, not every woman can handle pregnancy. It’s a huge toll on a woman’s body, mentally and physically, and not everyone is meant to bring a child to full term. For some women, it would be dangerous for her to experience a full pregnancy and birth, so much so that she could have permanent damage to her body. Pregnancy has a high risk of death in women with certain health conditions. There are a lot of reasons a woman may not be prepared to experience a pregnancy. Adoption is not for every woman, and that is okay.
Are you ready to raise your child?
Maybe after reading this, you’ve realized that none of it applies to you and you are ready to provide your child with a safe, happy home. That’s wonderful! If you’ve gone through all of these questions and you’ve realized you do want to place your child for adoption, we at Adoption Choices of New York are here for you. Adoption can be a positive experience, especially when you know you’re making the right decision for your child.
We will never judge you. Our role as an adoption agency is to help you, the birth mother, to have a stress-free, successful adoption. Remember, you are in control of your adoption journey every step of the way. You have made a tough decision, but you were brave enough to come to a conclusion, and hopeful enough to see a bright, happy future for your child.
Meet the Author: Tara Giuffre has always loved reading and writing and grew up in the worlds of Narnia, Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Taking this passion for stories, she received a degree from Rutgers University in Journalism & Media. Besides writing, she likes long walks on the beach, spending time with her family (and her cat, Sansa), and baking the perfect loaf of bread.
She enjoys sharing vital information about adoption and birth mothers choosing adoption to families making important choices for their future family!