4 Communication Tips for NY Birth Mothers in an Open Adoption
Being able to communicate is key in all aspects of life, and adoption is no exception. Communication allows us to share our expectations and understand the needs of others. It is the biggest reason humans have come so far as a species, and why we are able to create such interconnected communities. So, why can it be so difficult to communicate effectively?
If you are a birth mother who is a part of an open adoption, you know that communication is central to your relationship with your adoptive family. If you are able to convey your thoughts effectively, while also respecting the needs of your adoptive family, your relationship will run much more smoothly.
At Adoption Choices of New York, we want to ensure that you have the best possible relationship with your adoptive family. We offer a free birth mother blog that tackles a variety of issues related to open adoption like how to build a relationship with your adoptive family.
Communication Tips for NY Birth Mothers in an Open Adoption
- Create and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries is absolutely crucial for any relationship, especially one with as much emotional entanglement as adoption. It’s important that you let your adoptive family know about any personal boundaries you may have while also making sure that you are respecting theirs as well. For example, you may not be okay with talking about a certain aspect of your personal life, and they might want to limit visitation to once per month.
Many of these boundaries will be decided before the adoption is legalized. It’s important that you stick with them throughout your relationship with your adoptive family, unless you both decide that a change will be beneficial to everyone involved. These guidelines that you have in place will help ensure that everyone feels like they are understood.
- Respect Your Adoptive Families Wishes
It’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, you are not the parent. While you may still have a loving, positive relationship with your biological child and their adoptive family, you have to understand that they have the final say.
A good way to make sure that you aren’t doing anything that might upset your adoptive family is by talking to them and learning what they are not okay with. For example, you may learn that your adoptive family isn’t comfortable with you bringing anyone they haven’t met around their child, or they may prefer that you don’t buy them an abundance of toys. Whatever the issue may be, it’s important that you abide by the standards set by your adoptive family. It’ll help you foster a positive relationship with them.
- Be Transparent
The saying: It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission may be true in some cases, but certainly not with an open adoption. You might think that something isn’t a big deal, and make a decision about your biological child that their adoptive family wasn’t informed about. This could easily undermine your relationship.
If you want to introduce any new elements into your relationship with your biological child, you should run it past their parents first. This will help build trust between you and your adoptive family.
- Plan Ahead
People value their plans and down time, and we definitely don’t like when we feel like others don’t respect our schedule. If you want to make plans with your biological child, no matter how small, you should try to plan as far ahead as possible. Setting up a consistent visitation time is a great way to do this as it gives everyone ample time to prepare.
If you have to cancel visitation plans or a phone call, it’s important to let your adoptive family know ASAP. Everyone calls off plans at one point or another, but the important thing is making sure that you don’t do it consistently and that you are keeping everyone informed. If you repeatedly cancel plans, or, even worse, just don’t show up, your adoptive family may begin to think you’re not invested.
Why is Communication with My Adoptive Family Important as a Birth Mother?
How well you do, or don’t, communicate will shape your relationship with your adoptive family. We hope that our communication tips for NY birth mothers in an open adoption was helpful, and helps you understand tactics you can use to improve your overall communication with your adoptive family.
About the Author: Alexandra Georgiton is a fourth-year student at the University of Cincinnati studying Rhetoric and Professional Writing, and is receiving certification in Copyediting and Publishing. She has been passionate about the English language for her entire life, and reading and writing have always been her favorite hobbies. She enjoys professional writing and editing because she loves to use her talent and love of writing to make a difference in the world.